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Make your own rules
Stanton Coaching: November
Alex Stanton
November 07, 2023
This month’s newsletter goes out to those of you who feel stuck in a (career) moment, and you can’t get out of it.
You’ll read a real story of someone who struggled with that same feeling and changed the rules to change her career.
I also share tips for how to identify the fake rules you’re living by and kick them to the curb for good.
This month’s reading time: < 5 minutes
Taking the leap: Real stories of real people making real change
Career building: Turn assumptions into solvable problems
What do you need? Help me help you by filling out my survey
1. Taking the leap: Real stories of real change
In the first installment of my video interview series, Taking the Leap, Caroline Davis, Harvard alum and young adult novelist, shares her winding career story from Finance to Tech to Author.
Caroline transparently reflects on the false assumptions and ‘shoulds’ that dictated her early career choices, leading her to Finance and LinkedIn.
She then walks us through the process of breaking down those beliefs to build her unique, fulfilling career as an author.
Here are my main takeaways from her compelling story:
The known paths are not the only paths
We know what we see (it’s why representation is so important).
Your idea of a ‘reasonable’ career path is informed by what your parents do, your education, what you’re exposed to, and what you’re told you ‘can’ do.
Caroline had to break free from old mental constructs of what a ‘good’ career looks like in order to create her own vision for her future.
“My world view of career paths expanded from consulting and finance to: okay, fine, you can also do tech, or you can be an entrepreneur.
But if you’re an entrepreneur that means you created this amazing app or website. You got VC funding. You scaled to 100 employees within a year. I’m like - I don’t know - I kind of just want to start an Etsy store.”
People will freak out a little (or a lot).
Redefining work and success is not an easy feat.
You’re not only challenging your own world view, but also the deeply engrained ideas of those around you.
You may come to terms with the fact that there is no one ‘right’ way to do things - but that doesn’t mean everyone else has gotten there too.
It will take time before people understand what you’re doing and why.
“They said - why would you leave? LinkedIn is amazing - you get paid well, you get benefits, you’re happy, your team is great, you’re getting offered a new job - Why would you do it?
People could not understand.”
Trick yourself.
Building your meaningful career path doesn’t mean blowing your life up from one day to the next with no escape hatch.
Caroline dipped her toes in writing before she went all-in. She gave herself dedicated ‘testing’ time (even if she had a strong intuition that this was more than just a test).
The best next step is the one that you’ll actually take.
You can build the rest as you go.
“I came to this eureka moment: What if I wrote young adult - that’s what I love to read; that’s what I grew up reading. What if I did this?
My brain broke a little: You can’t. That’s not a job. You can’t do this.
That goes to this sabbatical piece, which was really me just tricking myself. I told myself it was a sabbatical to make it less scary.”
Caroline’s story speaks to the importance of taking time to drown out the noise around you in order to figure out a career that energizes and excites you.
It shows us that - with a little creativity and a lot of courage - we can reshape our careers to fit our needs - not the other way around.
Watch the replay for the full story and subscribe to Caroline’s newsletter here to stay updated on her path to publication.
2. Career building: Turn assumptions into solvable problems
Quite literally the only thing stopping you from doing things differently is: you.
You accept your thoughts as truth.
You let fear guide your decisions.
You choose practicality over curiosity every time.
You’ve climbed the ladders of success - and you’re not unhappy, but you know that there’s more out there for you
(psst… it’s called fulfillment).
I know because I’ve been there:
You can untangle those unhelpful beliefs - rewrite the career rules you live by - to finally feel like yourself again in your career.
The 3 step process to tackle the assumptions keeping you stuck and spiraling:
Identify them: Name them and acknowledge them.
Turn them into questions: Flip your language to allow for exploration.
Investigate them: Go try to prove yourself wrong.
A few examples for inspiration:
It’s too risky » How can I try within my risk tolerance?
I’ll never make money » How can I fund it while I build it?
People will think I’m crazy » Can I find others doing the same thing?
I don’t know where to start » How can I learn more about this idea?
I’m too old » What skills do I have that prepare me for this?
I don’t know if I really want it » How can I test my interest?
You’re just trying things out.
You’re allowed to change your mind (ask anyone whose ever started a company).
But you’ll only learn by doing, not waiting for the perfect plan.
So, stop letting potential roadblocks prevent you from ever leaving the driveway. Just trust that there will always be new routes to take.
3. What do you need?
I want to know what career challenges you’re facing, so that I can provide the most relevant insights for you.
Fill out as much or as little as you want of this survey to inform future newsletters (and my LinkedIn content as well).
Appreciate you!
With gratitude,
Alex
Alex is an Executive Coach helping managers, founders, and entrepreneurs at all levels boost their decision-making power to have more impact in less time.
She helps you overcome the self doubts & untested assumptions holding you back, so that you can stop second-guessing and start acting with confidence.